Happy Saturday, everyone! I'm posting this very special post today because I am officially full term and we will be welcoming our new little baby very very soon! This pregnancy has been a roller coaster of a ride, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm so grateful for this blessing of having another child and while I will miss his kicks and my big belly, I truly can't wait until he is finally in my arms. I wanted to look back on this 2nd pregnancy journey though because even though it was a difficult one, it was still incredible.

Finding Out
We found out we would be welcoming another baby in to our family back at the end of March. March 28th to be exact. We were all laying in bed just being lazy and it was dinner time. I was procrastinating packing for my trip to Nashville for one of my closest friend's bachelorette party. I jokingly said to Caleb, "I should probably be responsible and take a pregnancy test just to be sure I can drink this weekend." I has a week late on my period but I also had just finished my breastfeeding journey with Kai. My periods were all over the place while I was breastfeeding so I wasn't 100% convinced I was pregnant. I had an extra test stashed in the bathroom though so I figured it wouldn't hurt to take it just to be sure. Caleb got up and took Kai downstairs to get dinner ready and I told him I'd be right down after I took the pregnancy test. I did the thing, set it on the bathroom counter and went to change in to something comfy. I came back after 3 minutes and looked at the little screen (yes I had a digital one this time, ha! - Go read about us finding out about Kai to find out why that's funny) and it said YES. I was actually shocked. I just walked downstairs with the test in my hand in a daze. Caleb looked at me and said, "wait, really!?" He was so excited and our family was just filled with so much happiness over this new addition.

First Trimester
The sickness set it almost right after finding out I was pregnant at 6 weeks. I had terrible morning sickness this time around with throwing up in the mornings and being pretty nauseous all day long. It lasted well in to my 2nd trimester, too. I was so tired and I actually caught a terrible cold toward the end of my first trimester. I had a horrible cough for about 4 weeks and really just spent the majority of this time at home. I also found out that my progesterone was low at my confirmation appointment and had to take a daily progesterone pill to help sustain my pregnancy. It was a very scary thing to think I could have lost this precious little baby so while the progesterone probably made me extra nauseous, it was so worth it to keep this little one safe.

Second Trimester
The 2nd trimester is always the best part of pregnancy, in my opinion. I finally started to feel better towards the end of my 2nd trimester, which is always something to look forward to. I also started to feel baby kicks around 15 weeks this time, which is my absolute favorite part of pregnancy. We got to see the baby twice during ultrasounds, as well as find out we were having another boy! We hosted a BBQ at our house with some of our family and friends and did a fun reveal with balloons this time around. We actually didn't know it was a boy until the reveal this time! My best friend took the envelope we received at our doctor appointment and got the blue balloons for us to surprise us at the BBQ. Deep down I just knew we were having another boy but I was so still so excited and surprised when the blue balloons flew out of the bin. I did my best to enjoy this trimester and summer with Kai and I've got to say it was a really fun one.

Third Trimester
We finished redoing the nursery at the very beginning of my third trimester and it turned out even better than I had imagined. We went with the theme of the Hundred Acre Wood, and I'm so excited to spend lots of time in there nursing, cuddling, and playing with our little guy. Kai has slowly started to become more temperamental as my belly has gotten bigger. He knows change is coming and while it's very hard at some points, it's completely understandable. It has taught me a whole new level of love and patience. We've spent these last weeks just spending quality time together, pulling all the baby things out of storage, and organizing the house as much as we can. I also got to be Mike Wazowski for Halloween this year! Last time I said if I was going to be pregnant again during Halloween, I wanted to do that for my costume. I got lucky and my belly was nice and big for Halloween, so it worked out perfectly! I can't believe we're almost at the end and we're going to be starting this new journey so soon. Honestly though, I'm ready. My belly is so big now and I'm really struggling to get around these days. I'm ready to start healing but most importantly, I'm ready to hold our littlest baby boy in my arms. We're ready for you little guy, you're welcome anytime now!

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Happy November, everyone! It's also officially baby #2 month! My due date is the week of Thanksgiving and I'm 100% looking forward to starting this new journey in our life. I've started working 100% remote now, so I've been trudging along all week at home this week. I actually took a day off in the middle of the week to get some last minute baby stuff done as well as get some rest. I've started having a lot of false contractions, so I'm trying to get as much rest as possible before it's go time!

So if you haven't kept up with us on Instagram then you're probably still wondering what we're having...I meant to do this post months ago after we had our gender reveal party but per usual, time just got away from me. So I'm very excited to share on this little space that we're having another BOY!

In my heart, I knew we were having another little boy. Yes this pregnancy has been very different than my first one, but something kept telling me I was carry another incredible baby boy. I remember still being surprised though at our reveal! Right before we unveiled the gender, I remember second guessing myself and thinking, maybe it's a little girl!? Either way, our reveal was so special and the gathering was so much fun. Here's how we did it...

We had our 20 week anatomy ultrasound early in the week. We asked the tech to check the gender but not tell us what it was. She wrote it down and put it in an envelope for us to open later. That weekend, my best friend Ashlyn came in to town and we gave her the envelope. We hadn't looked at it all week because we wanted to be surprised at our reveal party with the rest of our friends and family. We hosted a BBQ at our house to do the big reveal. Ashlyn secretly opened the envelope and went to get either blue or pink balloons to tell us if it was going to be a boy or girl. Funny side note: it was a crazy hot day and helium + heat really don't mix well. All the balloons popped in her car on the way back to our house on her! She said it was like a massacre in her car! She got it all figured out though and safely made it back with a few balloons to release for us at the BBQ. She then put them in a bin and the wait continued...

After everyone arrived and filled up on some yummy appetizers, we went out in the backyard and opened the bin. The blue balloons flew out and we we're so excited to finally know we were having another little boy! To this day, I remember how happy my heart was and I'm so excited to be a mama to not just one, but two handsome little boys. I love being a boy mom. I know how to do it, I love it, and I feel like I'm pretty good at it. It suits me and I'm truly so honored that God has chosen me to mother not only another little baby, but another baby boy. He'll be in my arms so soon, and I truly cannot wait.

We celebrated our 4 year anniversary a little over a month ago, so yes I'm very late on this one, but I will never let a year go by without doing this special anniversary post. Every year since Caleb and I have been married, I've done a "look back at the past year" post to celebrate each year of our marriage. This last year has brought so many trials for us, but we are more in love and stronger than ever. Caleb has been there for me to pick me up every time I'm down about losing my dad, through all the pregnancy hormones, and fatigue of having to take care of a one year old. He keeps our house running while I grow our second bundle of joy. Not every day is sunshine and roses but even on the hardest days, I wouldn't want anyone else by my side living this life. That is exactly what marriage should be and I've got to say, we're still rockin' it!

Cheers to this incredible year of love and strength and many many more!

Happy happy Monday, friends! I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. We had a slow one here, which was so necessary. Last week was really emotionally tough for us as it was the one year anniversary of my dad's passing away on Friday. We did make it out for Kai's first ever trick or treating Saturday afternoon though! This year we did Monsters Inc as a family. Kai was Boo, I was Mike Wazowski, and Caleb was Sully. In true Chicago fashion for Halloween, it was cold and drizzling. I remember it always use to be like that for me as a kid when I went trick or treating, so I thought it was very fitting for Kai's first time. However though, Kai woke up with a cold yesterday, so we stayed in all day just cuddle up on the couch watching all his favorite movies.

So I am officially 35 weeks pregnant and really feeling it! I looked back on some photos of how I looked at 35 weeks when I was pregnant with Kai compared to this pregnancy, and wow...this is how I looked when I was 40 weeks and my water had broke. It really is true that you're bigger and show way more after your first!

Cravings
The only thing I crave in excess right now is chocolate and pop. Of course right, two not healthy things at all. I just crave the carbonation of pop so badly all day long. Plus I am so tired these days that a Coke always sounds good for that extra caffeine kick.

The Not So Fun Stuff
I am so uncomfortable these days. I can no longer bend down to pick stuff up very well, touch my toes, etc. I wake up so much at night from having to turn from side to side because my hips are so achy. My belly is so big that my back is always on fire, too. However, whenever I'm sitting down, he is constantly kicking. The across the belly movements aren't bad at all, but he is so low right now that I can actually feel him in my hips and on my pelvic floor. I've also started having to wear a panty liner because after I go pee and stand up, I pee more. Awesome, right!?

The FUN Stuff
He is such a mover that it really is fun to watch him move around. The other night we actually saw the imprint of his foot. Toes and all! You hear about that stuff but I never actually thought I'd get to see it myself. I'm in full on nesting mode, too. It's a great feeling knowing that we're almost there. I spent a lot of this pregnancy sad and scared of what was to come, but now I am just ready. I'm so excited for this little guy to be here and finally be a mama to two incredible little boys.

The Medical Stuff
His heartbeat was 134 bpm last time I went to the doctor two weeks ago. I just love hearing it on the doppler. My blood pressure has been really good, too. I've gained about 30 lbs this pregnancy, so all is well! I get to go back to the doctor again this week and they are actually going to check my cervic this time to see if I'm dilated at all. I will also be getting tested for Group B Strep at this appointment. I had it during my first pregnancy, so it's really important that we check again this time around so they will know at the hospital if they have to give me antibiotics when I go in to labor.

I hope you all have a wonderful week! Follow along with us on Instagram as the baby watch is getting real these days!

Remember way back in January when we had all these words, goals, and resolutions for 2019? Yeah, how are we doing with those? I'll speak up and go first, NOT SO GOOD... To be completely honest, I forgot what my word of 2019 was. I picked refresh for a reason and it was because 2018 was a very difficult year emotionally. I needed a refresh in so many ways yet I've somehow sunk in to a whole deeper than I am tall. Here's what's been going on and how I finally came to realize all of it.

I am truly overwhelmed right now. I'm 34 weeks pregnant and don't feel prepared at all to have this baby. Sure the nursery is put together, the clothes are washed and folded, and I have a list of what I need to pack in my to go bag. But there's some other things that I just can't seem to let go of like putting up bump dates on this blog and booking a maternity shoot. Especially the maternity shoot. You may be asking why I'm so obsessed with this. Well to be frank, I've done a shitty job of appreciating this pregnancy and documenting it. Once I go in to labor, it's over. There may be no photos to look back on to remember this time. Sure I can backdate some blog posts for bump dates, and I do plan on doing that but still, it's not the same as going along with the journey. I know I need to give myself a break but at the same time, I'm wasting time on unnecessary things that have brought a lot of negativity to my life. I'll spare you the details but just know that social media is such a life sucker. Anyways, just because this hasn't been the easiest pregnancy, doesn't mean I want to forget it. So there's that. Next, I feel so buried at work. I should be wrapping things up so I can hand things off for when I go on maternity leave, yet somehow every day I walk away with even more work on my plate. I'm in this struggle of wanting to do a good job and proving that even though I'm pregnant I can handle all of it...well I'm at a break point to where I almost can't anymore. Then there's this looming date coming at the end of the month that I am oh so dreading. The reason why 2018 was so hard. If you've forgotten or if you're new around here, October 25th of 2018 was the day my wonderful dad passed away. I've always promised to be honest here, so here it is, I am still so angry about it. I think I've overwhelmed myself with baby things and work things so that I don't have to focus on it but the reality is the day will still come. This event in my life robbed all of us of some wonderful things and I still feel like it's unfair. First and foremost for my dad. He had to spend the last months of his life in the worst way possible. He had to just look at his grandson from afar and never hold him. He couldn't eat anything for months. It breaks my heart how cruel that is. It robbed my mom of seeing Kai crawl around, going out and doing things with all of us, and most importantly coming home to her husband who she loved so dearly every day. It robbed Caleb, Kai, and I from having all last summer of adventures together and with Kai's grandparents like going to the zoo, road trips, the beach...even just family BBQs in the backyard. My dad never got to take Kai to a Cubs game. This was my dad's dream. To take his grandson to a baseball game. We had to spend our weekends sitting in a hospital pretending not to feel this hurt and anger. And you know what, it's still there. Maybe even more because now grandson number 2 is coming and my dad will never get to meet him on this Earth. The crushing realization of that is so devastating to me. I should have been working on letting go of this anger this year and focusing on positives. I should have let this anger out long ago but I've done the opposite and now I have to deal with it with a big ole baby bump, a mountain of work, and a lot of lack of sleep.

I realized this all within a matter of 24 hours. I went from just being so done with this pregnancy, to having anxiety about going in to labor from all the stress I'm harboring, to just coming to terms with I need to make some personal well being changes before I truly get to my darkest place. Then I remembered my word, "REFRESH." I'm not mad at myself for forgetting it, just honestly disappointed. When I think of this word, I feel so light and positive. It brings me a clear head, which is 100% what I need right now. I already purged some negativity that has been dragging me down tonight. I'm sitting here writing a blog post (crying, but still writing) because it brings me joy. Once I'm done rambling and I set this up to be posted, I plan on turning the lights off, no TV on, and hopefully getting a good night sleep. I've let go of the house needing to be cleaned and all the laundry to be folded. Honestly, Caleb is 100% capable of all those things and just because he might not do it exactly like I would doesn't mean I shouldn't just let it all go for the time being. Because I truly don't have the capacity right now to do every single daily chore that I use to do. I can barely bend down, I struggle to breath sometimes, and I'm just tired. But that's how it is when you're 34 weeks pregnant and I need to recognize that. This is the season of life we're in right now and there is so much good in it. I get to feel this beautiful baby inside me, see him grow, protect him, and have an excuse to just prop my feet up and have some things done for me. It's quite the blessing!

​So it's time for me to refresh my thoughts, get some sleep, say no to the non-essential things, and truly take care of myself. I hope you all are doing the same and remember what you set out to do at the beginning of this year, too. We picked these words, resolutions and goals for a reason 10 months ago...let's keep it up and finish out 2019 strong.